Someone recently asked me if Molly had resolutions for 2012, and I was like: well, of course! Here I transcribe some things she told me.

-MOR RATS

Molly has these mice from Ikea. They are the only toys she has ever loved. In 2012, she wants a room to be filled with them, so that she might walk in there and bask in their presence. Wait...that's not a resolution, that's a...

-CONSOLIDATE POWER; TURN MASTERS AGAINST EACH OTHER

Wait, what?

-EAT MOR TRASH WITOUT THROWIN UP

That's more like it. I mean, if she's going to keep eating all of my trash the least she could do is to not force me to clean it up after she regurgitates it on the carpet.

-STOP SNORS

Ever since we revoked Molly's invitation to sleep in our room, she's been really paranoid about her snoring. And with good reason. She sounds like a freight train rolling into a station. In hell.

-STOP BEIN CREEP

It is really creepy when my boyfriend and I are making out and Molly comes over to stare at us while violently wagging the lower half of her body and generally drawing attention to herself.

-CACH DEERS

She's been so close! (Not really.)